January 5th, 2010

I know I have so much to catch up on but I feel like I need to write tonight.

January 5, 2010. The day I have been dreading since we learned the specific date in April. I remember that Sunday so clearly. I was at home with Reed and my parents on strict orders from the doctor to take it easy since she had to stop my labor a few days before. Steven had drill that weekend so my dad and Darlene came in to help with Reed so I could rest. We knew they were having a briefing about the upcoming deployment so when Steven came home I knew what he was going to tell me. January Fifth Two Thousand Ten. The day my world would be turned upside down.

I cried and I cried and I cried. Thank goodness my parents took Reed outside until I could get myself together. Although the 256th had been on 'alert' for a long time, this made it all too real. So, after I pulled it together, I decided that I couldn't let this dictate my life and emotions. There was always a chance they wouldn't go although we knew it was pretty darn definite. So, we continued on...

Just a few weeks later we welcomed Lilly into our world and raising two babies took so much of my time, emotion, and love that I didn't focus on what was coming up. Then Steven left for 3 weeks of training right when I went back to work after maternity leave. And, it hit me again. I had three weeks of what was coming and I didn't like it. Keeping up with 2 babies, a house, a full time job, and just missing my husband got the best of me. I cried many nights but I made it and so did the house, kids, and job. So, I carried on.

Then I got another practice round in November. Steven had 2 weeks of training. Although I handled it a little better than the first time, Reed did not. He missed his daddy so much, got very clingy to me, and very emotional over everything and anything. It was so hard to see him like that but we made it through and Daddy came home.

Steven's last day of work was December 15th and I have not worked too much since then either. We spent the last three weeks as a family with no distractions or stress from work, school, or army (well, except for the obvious). It has been the best and most special 3 weeks we could have asked for. We went on vacation with the kids, spent days working around the house, played Santa Claus, had a NYE party, spent time with family and friends, but most importantly spent some really great quality time as a family of four. I wish I could freeze time and repeat these weeks over and over again. But I can't...and it really is January 5, 2010.

So, this morning, when we woke up I knew everything was changing. Steven was still home and getting the kids dressed for school. I was in the bathroom attempting to get ready for work through the tears. I did the best I could to pull it together and walked to the living room. Reed was in hysterics so I sat on the floor to hold him. I couldn't help but cry with him. So, we sat, and rocked, and cried. Daddy had to leave so I told him to go and I would handle it. So, after he left, we kinda pulled it together and I loaded the car...daycare supplies and purse, then Lilly, and then a screaming Reed. We drove to school and I unloaded the same way. Typically dropping off Reed in the morning is easy and he runs into school to play with his buddies. Not today. Today he jumped on me as I was putting some things down. So, again, I sat on the floor holding my baby not able to calm him down. Mrs. Jo pried him off of me and he held on to her as I left. I got in my car and cried the whole way to work. I cried for Reed, for me, for Lilly, and mostly for Steven for he is the one making the ultimate sacrifice through all of this.

The day didn't seem to get much better for me...tears, tears and more tears. Why today hit me so hard I'll never know...I can only think the anticipation of January 5th has been so intense and it's here. Steven got to come home tonight and he lay sleeping next to me as I type this. He saw and heard many of the tears today. How I wish I could be stronger for him but I can't seem to control it. At least he knows how much he is loved.

I will get through this...we will get through this. I will carry on, take care of my children the best way I know how, and show them constantly how much they are loved by Steven and I. I will go to work everyday and come home to take care of the house. I will be in contact with Steven as much as possible always reassuring him of the love and passion I have for him. Our marriage will survive this and we will be better partners because of this. Our children will survive and be stronger for it. I am the lucky one here...I get to hug and kiss my babies everyday.

Steven will miss so much while he is gone...Lilly's first tooth, crawl, walk, birthday, etc. Reed's 3rd birthday, potty training, and all the new fun things he learns everyday at school. But, we will video chat together every chance we get. We will try to make the best out of this situation. And, it will be 2011 before we know it. I have never ever wished for time to fly so quickly but I hope 2010 flashes by.

So I have rambled...sorry if you are still with me. Steven will be leaving Lafayette Friday morning for training for about 2 months. He will then get a 4 day pass to come home before he leaves the country. Sometime in early March, they will board planes to Kuwait and then to Iraq for the rest of the year. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers during these next 12 months.